Lost Memories
by Aria6
Summary: Roxas was three years younger than Axel when they met at boarding school. They fell in love, Axel graduated and vanished from Roxas life. Roxas thought he knew why, but he was wrong. Axel/Roxas, fantasy AU
1. Chapter 1

_I think my name is Lea._

_That's what I've been told, anyway. I'm sure the people here aren't lying, exactly, but they could be mistaken. Or it could just be the name they've given me. It seems familiar yet it doesn't seem quite right. But it's an okay name, I suppose. It doesn't bother me._

_They tell me I'm a slave. A prisoner of war, sold to the pleasure palace to be used any way they see fit. I was confused at first, almost child like, and by the time I started realizing that this was wrong it was already a done deal. They taught me how to do everything, how to give a great blowjob, how to take it and look like I'm enjoying it, even how to please a woman. Not that I get to do that last very often, its men who come to the pleasure palace._

_I could rebel now that I'm a bit more myself, but what would be the point? I've seen what happens to slaves that fight against it. I don't want to be whipped over a 'virtue' I lost two years ago. I've thought about trying to escape but I haven't found a way yet. I'm a well behaved slave, but they still don't take any chances with me. I'm chained after my duties like all the others, although the chains are padded with fur and polished until they almost look like jewelry. When I wasn't really myself, I remember just staring at the chains for hours, watching them glitter. Hmph… I'm not sure what I would do if I escaped anyway. I can hardly read, although I have the strangest feeling I used to be able to read well. It's like the letters don't fit in my mind anymore. I can't really explain it._

_I have a scar on my head. My hair grew in over it so you can hardly see it but I'm sure that mark has a lot to do with the way I was and the way I am now. But no one can tell me how I got it or what happened, just that it was half-healed when I arrived and they thought I was going to be touched in the head forever at first. I'm glad I'm better but I wish I could remember more. Sometimes I almost remember warm sunshine and blue sky. A lake so deep it just begged to be swum in. A boy stands by that lake, golden hair shining in that bright sun and eyes as beautiful as the sky. But whenever I try to focus on the memories they all just fade away. Who is that boy? What does he mean to me?_

_I think my name is Lea but I wish I knew for sure…_

* * *

Roxas sighed as he leaned against the window sill, looking down into the gardens. They were beautiful, spacious, landscaped gardens kept up by servants and magical golems. Normally, he liked looking at them. They weren't at all natural but there was a very pretty, serene order to the gardens. They almost reminded him of himself, in a lot of ways. Serene, logical, orderly… most of the time. But not all of the time.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Roxas turned as he heard Namine's voice. His sister was standing behind him, a sympathetic look on her face. "He wasn't good enough for you." Briefly, Roxas was glad it was her and not his parents. That comment from them would have infuriated him but from Namine it was supportive. For a moment, he reflected on the difference. If his parents had said that, they would have just been referring to his ex-lovers' _class_. Nothing to do with a difference in personality, intelligence or even a character judgment… just social class. To Roxas, that was infuriating.

He was of the highest social strata possible, distantly related to the King and the heir to a great fortune. In a normal world he would have gone to the Lodimere Academy and probably ended up sharing all of his parents' attitudes in full. But things had gone very badly wrong with the Academy and despite their narrow attitudes, his parents weren't bad people. They really cared, unlike some, and when the revelations about the Headmaster molesting little boys in the slums came out they had flat out refused to send him and Namine back. They weren't willing to take risks with their most precious possessions.

So instead of attending an exclusive boarding school of the nobility, they had gone to a public boarding school. A very good public school in an extremely good neighborhood, but still public. They had associated with some noble children whose parents had felt the same way, but more children of the trade classes. And the school had had a very selective, very careful scholarship program for the children in the lowest strata of society. That was how Roxas had met Axel.

Axel had been everything he wasn't. Fiery, impulsive, disordered and brilliant, the redhead had been amazingly charming and personable. It had been hard to believe he was a penniless orphan child, found wandering the streets in the aftermath of a tenement fire at the age of six. Axel had been lucky though. Instead of getting thrown into some makeshift slum orphanage, he'd been taken by the Sisterhood. The Sisterhood of Ellia ran some very religiously strict but very nice orphanages in the middle class parts of town. Axel had been given plenty of food, some real affection and the best teaching the nuns could offer. It hadn't been the best childhood but it had set his feet on the path to success and when he was old enough, the Abbess of the orphanage had helped him get one of the few scholarships available. And so he and Roxas, two people from the opposite ends of the earth in terms of class, had met and fallen in love. Or at least, Roxas had fallen in love.

"Thanks Namine." Roxas managed to smile, but it was hard. It had been three years. Three years since Axel graduated and went to the University in Kingsford without a backward glance. He'd promised to write to his younger lover, but he never had. Not a single letter had arrived and Roxas had wept at first, then finally made himself face the fact that Axel didn't care. He probably had a new boy or girlfriend now and had forgotten all about the blonde boy he'd once known. Namine saw the strain on his face and changed the subject, and he was grateful.

"Riku and Sora will be arriving soon. You might want to change." Roxas blinked and looked down at his clothes. He was wearing a very good set of velvets, why would he want to change? "They want to go to the lake, remember?"

"Oh!" That was an excellent reason to change, and Roxas flushed. "Thanks again." His velvets would have been ruined on that hike. Namine smiled, her cheeks dimpling.

"Think nothing of it. Kairi and I are going to be in the drawing room, if you need us." Kairi was their cousin and she was visiting for a few weeks. Something about her parents needing a love retreat and kids walking in and saying 'gross!' wasn't at all sexy. Roxas could sympathize, Namine had done the exact same thing to him and Axel once. He hastily shut down that memory and went to change.

His parents didn't quite approve of Riku and Sora. They were both in the merchant class, but so high in it that his parents had grudgingly decided they were acceptable friends for him. Riku was the third son of a shipping magnet and Sora was the first son of the man who owned Danask Manufacturing. Riku wasn't going to inherit too much as a third son, but he was planning to become a wizard. Sora was going to go into the family business as soon as he finished University, and was looking forward to it. It was actually his dream to follow in his father's footsteps. Roxas vaguely wished he had a similar path to follow, but he'd never quite been able to figure out what he wanted to do in life. Well, technically he didn't have to do anything; he could just inherit the family properties and live on the income forever. But that seemed like a bore. He wanted to actually accomplish something, even if it was just bad poetry and worse drawing. His friends claimed his drawings were good, almost as good as Namine's, but what did they know?

"Roxas!" Roxas grinned as a very enthusiastic Sora latched onto him. They looked like they could be brothers, which was odd since they weren't at all related. Riku contented himself with a nod and a smile. He was always the less expressive of the two. "How have you been doing?"

"Not too bad." He replied truthfully. "Just busy packing." He had graduated and it was his turn to go to the University of Kingsford. Part of him shrank back at the idea. There was every possibility he would see Axel on campus. But he refused to let that stop him, and Riku and Sora would be there too. Namine and Kairi would be following next year as well, and Riku and Kairi had both promised to kick Axel's ass for him. Roxas wasn't planning to take them up on that, but he had to admit it was tempting.

"We're all ready to go." Sora said happily. "We're leaving in two days, right?" Roxas nodded. His parents had hired a private carriage with protections and he'd invited his two friends to join him. It was only sensible, since the three of them were going to be sharing a house together in Kingsford. The dorms were very full and they had the money to afford their privacy, so it had been the practical course. "C'mon, let's go see the lake!" Roxas laughed as Sora dragged him out the door and Riku trailed behind, smiling.

"Sora, ease up! We don't have to run, the lake isn't going anywhere." Roxas gently teased him and the brunette grinned but slowed down. "Did you bring your swim shorts?" Roxas had his on under his clothing now.

"I have them here." Riku volunteered, lifting a bag. "It's been so long since we've had a chance to really swim." Roxas nodded. The boarding school hadn't had a pool and very few private houses had them in the city. It had probably been years since Riku and Sora had gotten to swim at all, much less in a big, beautiful lake. Axel had always loved swimming in the lake. Roxas flinched as he thought about that, then resolutely pushed away the memory.

Axel was gone. He hadn't cared and it was over. That was all that mattered.

* * *

"_Strip." The command is cold and arrogant. I obey, making it a show, not too slow but not too fast. Sensual. I know he likes that._

_I know this customer well. I'm not chained, but I don't have to be when I'm servicing a customer, unlike some slaves. Slaves like that are never sent to this customer. He hates disobedience, hates it immensely and reacts violently when confronted with it. I'm told he disfigured a young slave who refused to suck him, and after that the management only sends him the most tractable, well trained slaves, like me. Lucky me. I don't like him a bit. No matter how obedient I am I'm going to end up hurting before this is over. He likes that, too. Cold blue eyes, so much lighter than the ones I remember, watch me disrobe appreciatively._

"_Come here, Lea." A little disturbing that we've been together often enough that he remembers my name. There's always the possibility that some rich man could purchase me to be a private toy and while there are a few customers I wouldn't mind, this man isn't one of them. But I move immediately, making it a slow glide, just the way I've been taught. He grips my arm and I don't bother to hide my wince at his harsh grip._

_The lovemaking goes exactly the way I expect. He says degrading, dirty things in my ear and I moan and pant like the trained bitch I am. I say dirty things back to him, begging him to fuck me harder, and he does. If he weren't so rough he'd be good at this, he makes me come but the ache between my thighs won't be going away quickly. It will take me days to recover but that's normal for this man. He strokes my sweaty red hair almost tenderly, but I know better. He has no heart._

"_Very good Lea." He says coolly, as if we haven't just finished screwing like animals. Then he stands, walking over to the speaking tube and placing an order with the kitchen for two steaks. A little reward for being a good boy. Sometimes I wish I was still feeble minded. I remember being proud of myself when I got rewards like this. Now I just feel sick._

_I hate my life._

* * *

"I feel sick." Sora mumbled as the carriage jostled over another bump. Roxas sighed as Riku slept, completely dead to the world. Roxas had no idea how the silver haired man could do that. The carriage wasn't making him sick but the bumping was far too much for Roxas to sleep.

"Just make sure you use the bags if you absolutely have to." Sora nodded weakly, clearly trying to keep himself together. The trip to Kingsford was three days long but they were on the last bit now. Before night fell, they would reach Kingsford.

So it proved. Riku woke up and poked his head out of the coach window as they were trotting through the suburbs and slums surrounding the capital of the realm. It was a huge city and they were all impressed. Their boarding school had been in a rather small, sleepy place compared to this although children had come to it from all over the realm. The carriage safely delivered them to their rented house and they all lugged their luggage inside. They would all be living without servants now, but that wouldn't be much of a problem really. Riku actually knew how to cook and Roxas had a mania for cleanliness, so between the two of them they should manage fairly well.

"I'm hungry." Riku explored the cupboards and made a desolate sound. "There's no food in here!" Roxas laughed as Sora grinned.

"We'll have to go shopping tomorrow. C'mon, let's go check out the neighborhood restaurants." He was sure there would be something very interesting nearby. They were right beside the University in the high rent part of town, so it was guaranteed that there would be plenty of bistros and pizza places. Riku sighed and closed the cupboards.

"Okay. I'd love some roast chicken."

"Sounds good!" Sora was getting his stomach under control now that he was out of the carriage and roasted chicken sounded good indeed. "With potatoes and carrots!" Roxas laughed and started out of the house.

"Let's just see what we can find." He suggested as the other two followed. He just wanted something to eat, be it meatloaf or chicken, anything would do. As it happened, though, they found a bistro not far from the house serving roast chicken among other things. Soon Riku and Sora were both in rotisserie chicken heaven and just to be perverse, Roxas ordered the roast beef sandwich. It came slathered in tasty gravy and Roxas made a mental note of this place. The food was really good.

"Why don't we make a plan for tomorrow?" Riku suggested and Roxas nodded, pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil. He always kept a bit of paper handy, you never knew when you might have to write something down. "Okay, we need to go talk to the registrar and make sure all our courses are in order. We need to go grocery shopping. We need – " Roxas quickly noted everything down, and added a few items of his own.

He was so busy organizing he didn't even think of Axel.

* * *

"_Stupid Xion." I mutter as I clean the black haired girl's wounds. She hisses, squirming in pain as the solution stings the open cuts. "You keep this up, they'll sell you to someone who wants a slave to kill." That's perfectly legal. We're property, after all. She glares at me, her blue eyes hard as stones._

"_Easy for you to say, bitch." She spits at me. "You're their pretty little whore." That stings a little but not much. I know what I am._

"_Shut up Xion." I sound tired. Still recovering from my session with that man. "You know why I don't try to escape." She glowers but nods reluctantly. She knows I don't have any memory and can hardly read. Everyone knows. "What in fuck would be the point of resisting when there's nowhere to go?"_

_"Maybe for you. But I have a family." She snarls then groans as I keep cleaning her cuts. Can't let them get infected._

"_Well, they're never going to see you again. Get used to it chela, or we won't be seeing your pretty face anymore either." I say bluntly and she looks away. Is she crying? Shit. I hate it when girls cry. "Xion, I'm sorry."_

_"Go away." She sounds choked. I reach over to pet her black hair but she slaps my hand away. "Go away!" With a sigh, I pick up the bucket of rags and leave the room._

_There's nothing I can do for her. There's nothing I can do for myself._


	2. The Devil

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sora sounded apprehensive and Riku sighed as he sorted through the records.

"No. But I think it needs to be done." He was trying to arrange a visit between Roxas and Axel. But the redhead was proving surprisingly elusive for someone so memorable. He'd asked around campus and no one could remember someone named Axel with red hair. But then, maybe he'd dyed it, people often did things like that. Riku paused for a moment as he reflected on what had led him to do this.

Roxas wasn't getting better. It had been three years, he should have moved on but he hadn't. He concealed it well but Riku and Sora were his best friends. They caught the occasional flinches, the sadness in his eyes and the way he would start whenever he saw someone with that particular shade of red hair. Riku wasn't sure he believed in 'closure' but if three years hadn't fixed things, perhaps having it out with the redhead finally would. Sora sighed and worked on his homework as Riku kept looking through the records. Their parents had pulled a few strings to get them access, which was a bit reprehensible, perhaps, but the way the world worked.

By mid-morning, Riku was starting to get worried. By noon, he finally stopped.

"Sora, there's no record of Axel." Riku said slowly, ice starting to form in his stomach. Sora looked up, irritated.

"It's probably just been mislaid Riku." Riku hesitated, then shook his head.

"No, you don't get it. I've gone back six years and gone up two. There is no record of anyone named Axel Bashanova coming to this school." Riku gripped his hair with one hand, truly distressed. "It's like he never arrived." Sora stared at him blankly for a long moment, then paled.

"Never arrived?" He whispered. He and Riku hadn't considered Axel a friend for years, but that had been because of how he'd broken Roxas' heart. Before that he had been a friend, despite being three years older. Axel had made friends as effortlessly as breathing and he had been more than willing to befriend the new students. "But he had a scholarship!" Axel had won a scholarship to the University, or he'd have never been able to afford to go.

"I know. Something must have happened." Riku and Sora exchanged a glance and Sora bit his lip.

"Should… should we tell Roxas?" He asked timidly and Riku paused, thinking about it.

"I – I don't know." Riku felt helpless. This wasn't what he'd expected to find out at all and how would Roxas react? Not well. "Is it better for him to feel unloved or guilty?" Because this was going to make Roxas feel guilty that he hadn't done anything when Axel failed to write him. Riku could see that coming a mile away. Sora thought about it for a long moment.

"I think its better that he feels guilty. I mean, if Axel's… dead… then the pain is different from just being abandoned. You know?" Riku winced and nodded.

"Let's go then." Riku stood and Sora hastily put together his work. "Let's break it to him after class." If they told him during class Roxas wouldn't be able to function and the professors might want to know why. A few hours wouldn't hurt, although from Sora's woebegone expression it was going to be hard for them to delay.

They went to their third class… they had skipped the earlier two… and met Roxas there, taking seats beside him. Since it was their first year at the University they were all taking the same introductory courses. That would quickly change with their second and third years as they each took their own career path, but for now they were together. Roxas looked up with a frown as he saw them.

"Where were you two?" He pushed over his notes to Riku without being asked and the silver hair smiled as he began to copy them. Roxas kept neat notes so that was definitely helpful.

"Erm, just looking for something!" Sora said with a cheer that was distinctly false and Riku sighed to himself. Sora couldn't lie to save his life, unlike Riku who was actually quite good at it. Roxas shot the brunette a suspicious look but then the professor began to speak and they were all forced to pay attention. This was math and even the introductory class was nothing to take lightly. By the time it was done, his question seemed to have slipped Roxas' mind and Riku was grateful.

They had two more classes and an annoying thirty minute break between them, but finally the day was over and Sora was shooting Riku agonized glances as they took a horse drawn cab back home. Roxas noticed and stared at them both.

"What's going on, you two?" Riku sighed to himself, giving Sora a reproving look as the brunette winced.

"Tell you over supper." Roxas' frown deepened. He knew Riku had great faith in the comforting effects of good food, probably because his mother was an amateur chef and had stuffed her husband and son with chicken soup at the merest sign of a sniffle. Really good chicken soup, Roxas knew. He'd gone to Riku's place once for a weekend and gotten to have a bowl. When Riku started pulling the stock out of the chill box, Roxas knew there was definitely a problem. "Okay, what do you think is going to make me have a fit? Just spit it out." He was feeling irritated now. Whatever Riku and Sora thought was so bad, he was sure it couldn't be. Everything was going fine.

"Roxas…" Sora said helplessly and Roxas turned to look at him as Riku started chopping up vegetables for the soup. "It's – it's about Axel." Roxas felt his face freeze. Why were they bringing THAT up? "We can't find him."

"Can't find him?" Roxas echoed, puzzled. "What do you mean?" Why would they even be looking for Axel? They weren't fond of him at all since he'd left them. Riku spoke up from the kitchen.

"We thought it might be good for you to talk to him, tell him what an asshole he is. You know. What the psychnannies call 'closure'." Roxas blinked at the silver hair, a bit surprised.

"I thought you didn't believe in that stuff." Riku's opinions of the psych's were usually peppered with profanities. Roxas wasn't sure why, but it had something to do with an incident in Riku's childhood that neither he nor Sora wanted to talk about.

"I don't. But you haven't really gotten past it, Roxas." Roxas winced, looking away. "Sorry, but it's the truth. The thing is, I got my dad to get me access to the school records… he's a major donator to the Uni, you know… and we couldn't find a thing."

"What?" Roxas frowned. "What are you saying, Riku?" He suddenly demanded and Sora winced, taking over as Riku started cubing some chicken as he warmed the stock.

"We – we think he never went to the University, Roxy." Sora said softly, and Roxas looked at him, feeling stunned. "It's like he never arrived. I'm sorry."

"N – No." Roxas breathed, the stunned feeling turning to sickness. "Never arrived? He would never have… never have…" Roxas gasped as he felt warm arms around him. Sora was hugging him and he fought a brief battle with himself before hugging the brunette back. It was easy to follow Riku's and Sora's logic. Axel would _never_ have forfeited his scholarship. Never, not in a million years. "Axel, he, why didn't I… I should have…" Sora winced and cuddled the blonde as he began having the exact reaction he and Riku had expected.

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have known." Sora whispered to him and Roxas shook his head.

"I should have known he wouldn't abandon me!" Sora couldn't think of anything to say to that, and just held Roxas, trying to comfort him. The blonde was right, he should have known. But even if he had tried to find Axel back then, would he have found anything? "He could have been d-dead for three years and I thought he just left me!"

"We should have known too. I'm sorry, Roxas." Sora held Roxas, helping him weather the emotional storm. Finally when the blond was cried out, just leaning against Sora, his eyes tightly closed, Riku walked into the room with a bowl of soup. It had been topped with cheese and croutons and normally, Sora would have drooled a little at the sight.

"Here Roxas. It'll help." Riku said softly and Roxas opened his eyes, just looking at the soup for a moment as Riku set it on the coffee table. He didn't feel hungry at all now, but when he picked up a spoon and tried it the soup went down easily despite his tight throat.

"It does help." He mumbled, and strangely it did. He didn't have all of Riku's positive associations with it, but the taste still reminded him of good times. Good times involving Riku and Sora, not Axel. Thinking about the redhead hurt so bad right now. "Can we find him?" Riku's silence was telling. "You think he's dead." That thought hurt even worse and Riku sighed as Sora looked down.

"I have to be honest. That's most likely, and if he didn't have his papers when the body was found there might be no real record." Roxas swallowed back a sob as Riku continued. "And if the body was never found, well…" Roxas wanted to cry again as he imagined that. Dying alone and forgotten, could there be anything worse? And he hadn't even tried. What kind of a lover was he? Roxas flinched as he felt Sora's hand on his shoulder, then looked into concerned blue eyes.

"I'm okay Sora." He said in a low tone, spooning up some more soup. He wasn't but it would have to do. "We can still try." It was late, horribly late, but Roxas wanted to try. Riku considered.

"We should get a divination." Riku decided and Sora and Roxas both stared at him. Divinations were notoriously unreliable. "It's the only thing that could help. Axel took a private carriage, they don't keep records of passengers and trying to ask them if anyone remembers a redhead from three years ago is not going to work. The trail is just too cold." Roxas winced, but Riku was right. Riku was usually right. "Do you still have anything of Axel's? Anything he gave you? Hair or nail clippings would be best." A physical link would be potent. Roxas shook his head then frowned.

"I think maybe…" He went to his jewel case to see what he had. It was often the in thing for both male and female nobles to wear gold and jewels, so naturally he had a small collection. A lot of it had been Saint's Day presents from his parents, but not all of it. "I still have it." It was in the bottom of his case, tucked away in a corner. A rather tarnished hair clip with a copper chain dangling from it, and at the end of the chain a puff of red hair. "Remember that time we had a masked ball?" The idea had been that no one would be able to recognize each other. A lot of students had embraced the concept, getting magical charms to disguise their voices, but Roxas and Axel had been determined that they would recognize each other even if no one else did. So they'd had little hair clips made for each other, and Roxas' had a tuft of Axel's hair on it. Roxas swallowed as he remembered Axel wearing his silver one, the puff of blonde hair looking so odd against bright red hair.

"Ah, that would be perfect!" Riku was very pleased as he took the hair clip, smoothing the red hair. "We need to find a diviner now, and one of the best. Want me to send a message to father?" Roxas nodded and Sora spoke up.

"I'll send a message to my dad too!" Divination might be unreliable, but a lot of merchants still used it in an attempt to predict the markets. Often it was better than nothing if not by much. Roxas nodded, looking down into his soup.

He hoped they would find Axel alive, but he knew it was a faint hope.

* * *

_Voices. I hear voices but I can't make out what they're saying. My head hurts, why does it hurt? A pretty woman is touching me and her hands feel good on my head. That's odd. I was cut there shouldn't it hurt?_

"_Mama?" I ask her questioningly. But she doesn't seem right for my mama, didn't mama have red hair? She looks surprised and shakes her head._

"_I'm not your mother." She's still saying something but I can't make it out anymore. I mean, she's speaking but I can't understand, it's just noise. I look at her trustingly as she pauses, then shakes her head, standing up and walking away. I try to sit up and follow but a blinding pain suddenly goes through my head, waking me up?_

"_Huh?" Oh. It was a dream. I've had that dream before and I know what it is, it's the time I spent with the slavers. I couldn't talk much or understand words at all for a while. Fortunately for me being a dummy doesn't really hurt a pleasure slave, or they'd have probably quietly gotten rid of me. Really damaged slaves aren't worth feeding. I sigh and look up at the ceiling. I wish I could get back to sleep. But I'm awake now and I'll be staying that way until the keepers come to unchain me. The bed is pretty comfortable but I'm still bored. To while away the time I start to whistle. I can't seem to sing at all, the words come out wrong but I can whistle. I'm onto my third whistle song when the keepers finally come to let me out._

"_You're on dish duty." He reminds me and I nod. That's how things work at the pleasure palace. In the evening we serve the customers and those of us who are not on duty tend to the chores, but during the day we all have our assignments. The duties get rotated so no one ends up with the worst all the time, like dish duty. I don't mind it but it roughens the hands and the owners of the palace don't want any of us to have hands like a washerwoman. It could turn off the customers although I've never noticed any of them caring about my hands._

"_You're looking better." I say to Xion and she grunts an acknowledgement as she sets out plates. That's an easy duty and that's for the best while she's recovering. Breakfast is the usual, oat porridge and a cup of tea. I've been eating this stuff for so long that I really hate oat porridge now but I shove it down anyway. So does everyone else. I don't think anyone likes oat porridge. Not after they've eaten it every day of their lives, anyway._

_After choking down my food, I wash dishes. It's not a bad chore really. I've got a few people to talk to while I take care of it, the kitchen staff and a few other dishwashers. Most of the kitchen staff won't talk to me though, they're free and look down on us slaves. I guess everyone needs someone to look down on._

"_I hear that Vexen character is thinking of buying someone permanently." I can't help but wince at that. That was my last customer. Kela notices and grins. "I think he likes you Axel."_

"_Shut up Kela." I glance around to see if any of the kitchen staff is listening. They're not but I lower my voice anyway. "I hate that man. He's so damned rough." Not the sort of thing we're supposed to say about our lords and masters but I don't care. I hate coming out of it feeling like I've just been raped._

"_Poor baby." Bitch. She doesn't have to worry, Vexen likes men. "At least he's cute." Fuck!_

"_I don't care about cute, Kela. I'd take bald, fat and bad breath over him any day." She looks surprised but I don't care. My standards have gotten pretty low since I came here and really, I've come to value technique over appearance. Some of the handsome ones are damned brutal. Of course, so are plenty of the ugly ones, it's a total mixed bag around here._

_I really hope Lord Vexen doesn't buy me. That would be a nightmare._

* * *

"Hmm." The diviner was looking intently into his crystal globe as Roxas sat quietly, feeling paralyzed. He wanted to hurry the man, wanted to question him, but he knew that just wouldn't help. "I believe he is alive."

"Really?" Roxas stared at him, feeling hopeful as Sora and Riku exchanged a glance. Could they have been wrong? Could nothing have – no, something had to have happened. The diviner made a small hmming sound.

"The ball is inconclusive. Perhaps we should try a card reading." Riku nodded, understanding what the diviner meant. He had a basic grasp of the magic involved although he wasn't capable of actually doing it. The crystal ball was both the least and most useful of the diviners tools. Sometimes it worked very well and could bring abstract concepts into clear focus, which was why it was often used to predict the markets. But sometimes it was completely useless and a really concrete question often stymied it. Still, it was easiest to use so the diviner had tried it first. The diviner carefully cleaned away the influences before he took out the cards, which raised Riku's estimation of the man further. If he hadn't done that, the residue from the ball might have affected the cards.

The diviner was an elderly gentleman with a kind face and sharp brown eyes. His little shop was a very orderly, comfortable place and right now Riku and Sora were sitting in plush chairs while they waited. As the guest of honor, Roxas was seated on a less comfortable but more awareness inducing leather stool at the table in the middle of the room. The diviner sat behind the table as he shuffled the cards.

"Cut the cards and think about your question." He ordered Roxas, who concentrated hard as he cut the cards.

_Axel. Where is Axel?_ The first card turned over and Roxas felt his breath catch in his throat. Sora made a surprised sound and Riku stared intently.

"This is the card that stands for the effect your question will have on your life. The Lovers." Roxas stared at the card depicting a man and a woman sitting by the hearth of a fire, sharing a mug of tea and looking into each others eyes. They didn't look anything like him and Axel but they didn't need to. The meaning was plain. "The Lovers stands for surrender to a higher power. This indicates you will come across a person, career or challenge that you cannot resist and if you try, you will never be complete." _Axel._ Roxas felt his eyes prickle as he looked at the card. He hadn't felt complete since he'd lost the redhead. "Pick a card." Roxas chose randomly and set the card down. The diviner moved it to the right position and looks at it.

"This card represents your place in the question. The Fool." Roxas looked at the card, startled, and was surprised to see a young man in motley garb, carrying a backpack and starting a journey. "The Fool stands for new beginnings and journeys but can also relate to lack of focus. Try to remain focused on what you desire." Roxas blinked, a bit surprised. This was nothing like a traditional tarot reading… but then, the diviner was using magic to focus the cards. "Now, let us begin with the cards of the past…" The diviner shuffled the deck again and offered it to him. "Cut the deck again and think of your question." Roxas dutifully did so and blinked at the devilish card that was revealed.

"This is the heart of the matter, the answer you seek. The Devil." The diviner smiled faintly. "Given what you are seeking, the Devil likely stands for a man of great erotic power, aggressive and controlling… or only persuasive. Not a bad man, perhaps, but one who is hard to resist." Roxas nodded. That definitely described Axel. "Now…" Another card was drawn and it was the three of swords. "This is the difficulties you have faced in the past. Three swords pierce a heart. This card stands for false conclusions and hurtful, cutting ideas and words. It is a card of great heartbreak but there is a positive aspect. When you are aware of the damage that has been done, the poison can finally be purged."

The reading continued and Roxas found that lack of information was one of the difficulties they were suffering and would continue to suffer in the future. Strangely, the Emperor, reversed, came up as a card of obstacles. The diviner believed it meant that a man of power or great authority would stand in their way, and because the card was reversed the authority would likely be misused.

"The person you seek is most definitely alive." The diviner mused when the reading was over, thoughtfully touching a few cards. "The challenge will be to find him and extricate him from his situation. The cards seem to indicate that will be difficult." His gaze lingered on the Emperor and another card that had appeared, the seven of wands. That card stood for the questioner being under attack and forced into defense.

"Can you find out where he is?" Roxas asked desperately. Just finding out that Axel was alive was nearly useless unless he could actually find the redhead. The diviner frowned and picked up the hair clip.

"I can try…" He tugged free a bit of the hair and reached for a small candle, lighting it with a tiny magic. Then he put the hair in the fire and Riku winced as Sora flinched, the scent of burning hair suddenly filling the room. "It is – ah!" Suddenly the fire billowed and the diviner and Roxas both leapt back, surprised. "Ah… yes." The fire calmed as suddenly as it had blown up and the diviner blinked heavily, shaking his head. "He is within the city, and close." Roxas blinked as he saw the man was sweating heavily.

"What was that? I've never seen anything like it." Riku asked. It reminded him a little of certain magical protections, but those would have been far more deadly. The diviner hesitated and shook his head.

"It felt like wild magic, unrestrained and uncontrolled." He said frankly and Riku swallowed. Once in a while, talented children manifested their magic far too young and that could result in wild magic. But for an adult, that made no sense. Adults either used their magic consciously or not at all. Didn't they? "I know that's almost absurd, but that's what it felt like."

"We'll figure it out when we find Axel." Roxas said with renewed purpose. Finding Axel might be very hard, almost impossible, but they knew he was in the city now. That was a place to start. "Thank you!" The diviner smiled.

"Think nothing of it." He was getting paid and paid well by Sora's father. Roxas would have footed the tab, but he didn't want his parents to know what he was doing. They wouldn't like the thought of him getting back together with Axel again. They left the diviners, walking down the street and Riku finally spoke.

"We should hire investigators. We just won't have the time or manpower to dedicate to this kind of search. Sora and I can handle it." Roxas smiled at the silver hair, feeling truly touched. He hadn't expected his friends to do this for him.

"Thank you Riku. Thank you so much." Riku smiled, gripping his shoulder for a moment.

"Axel was our friend too." He said softly and Roxas felt his eyes prickle again. Axel could always make friends so easily. Hopefully he was doing well wherever he was right now… hopefully.

* * *

_What was that? Oh my head my head… oh…_

"_Lea? What's wrong?" My customer tonight slows what he's doing as he notices my eyes rolling back. "Lea!" I try to focus through the splintering pain as I hear the worry in his voice. He's not nearly as attractive as Vexen but he's a much better man and doesn't deserve to have me die right in front of him._

"_My… head…" I choke the words out, reaching up to grip the scar. He's not inside me anymore, he's holding me now and saying something but the words are gone again. I hear but I can't understand. Brown eyes seem to turn into blue then back again. "Roxas?" Wait, what did I just say? What does that mean?_

_I fall into darkness without an answer._


	3. Party? Or not?

"_They got a healing wizard out for YOU." Xion growls at me and I resist rolling my eyes. Even that little movement hurts._

"_That's because no one knows what the fuck is wrong with me. Everyone knows what's wrong with YOU." I sound bitchy and I don't care. Xion's getting on my last nerve. "What the hell did you do to make him break your wrist like that?" I wouldn't have thought her customer was the violent type. Plenty of girls have had him and come out just fine. Xion scowls but won't answer. I wonder if she bit him._

"_So what is wrong with you?" She asks, changing the subject. I can roll with that._

"_Specifically at this moment? They have no idea. In general, the wizard they got thinks it all goes back to this scar of mine." I close my eyes, feeling the headache finally lessening a bit. The pills that wizard gave me must be kicking in. "He was more talkative than most. He said the thing where I lose my speech and can't understand words and my difficulty reading and singing are all the same thing. Aphasia." Xion frowned, not knowing the term. "He said it happens sometimes with bad head wounds. Means I've taken damage to the language centres. If I'd been treated right away I might be better than I am now. Or not. You can never tell with this sort of thing apparently."_

"_So he had no way to prevent the pain attacks?" I sighed. Trust Xion to get to the point that mattered the most._

"_No. Just some pills I can take when I have one to dull the pain. But this is the first time that's happened, hopefully it'll stay rare." If I started having attacks all the time, well. They might make me kitchen staff. I'm well liked around here. That wouldn't be too bad, but they might sell me and that could really suck. As pathetic as my life is I'm sure it can get worse._

"_Hope so." Xion sighs, closing her eyes and trying to get some sleep. I do the same. There's really nothing else to do._

* * *

"Riku, Sora?" Roxas tapped a card against his hand. It was a heavily gilded card made from very thick, rich card stock. "I was wondering. Would you like to come to a party with me?"

"Huh?" Riku looked up from his work with a frown. He was writing a research paper on the effects of magical garbage on the environment. Nothing came for free, so that was a hot topic for discussion in certain circles. "A party? We're both awfully busy Roxas." It was only two weeks into the semester but none of the professors were going easy on the freshmen. They were piling on the work like it was going out of style so they all had things to do. "Wait, a party? When did you get invited to a party?" That was very strange since most of the other students wouldn't be caught dead inviting a freshman to a party, even one who was distantly related to the King. Roxas sighed and tossed the card over to the silver hair, who looked at it with a frown. "…Oh." Grimacing, he tossed the card back. "One of _those_ parties."

"I'm afraid so." _Those_ parties were the ones he was invited to because he was related to the King and a high noble. Often amusing and lavish they could also be unutterably boring. It was hard to say, and Roxas didn't like going to them, except for the ones held by people he actually knew. He didn't know the person inviting him to this one at all, so the odds were he'd be completely lost in a sea of people he'd never met and had very little in common with. But he couldn't just refuse. His parents would be furious with him and rightly so. Snubbing high society simply wasn't possible unless he wanted to get a reputation as either a boor or eccentric, and he was too young to be eccentric. "Please, please come, I'm begging you. I'll need someone to talk to." Roxas begged Riku shamelessly. Sora was out buying some groceries. Riku rubbed his forehead for a moment, thinking.

"I suppose we can make the time. What day of the week is it?" Roxas frowned at the card and checked his calendar.

"Saturday." Riku looked relieved at that response and nodded.

"We can definitely make time then." Then his tone turned a bit amused. "Father will be pleased." Roxas laughed, understanding. Riku's father was a bit of a social climber and would have given a small body part to have the kind of invitations Roxas received all the time. It was never going to happen, but he loved the fact that Riku got to go with Roxas. "Does this party have any kind of theme?" Roxas flipped open the card, reading, and blinked.

"Uh, sort of." Roxas suddenly grinned as he caught the tongue-in-cheek humor to it. "It's a meet the mistress party. Bring all sundry companions! This might be better than I thought." Whoever the host was, they clearly had a sense of humor. Riku stared, a bit caught off guard.

"It could lead to some unfortunate rumors about the three of us, though." He pointed out and Roxas snorted.

"Those rumors have already been started by us living together." Roxas was wryly certain of that. Riku and Sora weren't bothering to hide their love interests, which was fine for them. Riku's family didn't care if he married or not and Sora's father didn't particularly care if Sora had children or not. There were lots of cousins in the family, most of them working in the family business, so Sora would have plenty of heirs to choose from. That was all that mattered to his father, that the family business continued and did well. And with his two roommates known as openly gay, Roxas was sure most of the university had drawn the correct conclusions about his own interests. It wouldn't be a stretch at all for people to imagine they were engaged in a threesome. Fortunately, the university was extremely liberal about that sort of thing. Riku thought about it a moment, then shrugged.

"As long as you don't mind." Roxas would be the one affected by the rumors in any case. Roxas laughed.

"It won't hurt me a bit, believe me." It might actually get him a bit of respect with the older students, who would be impressed with his willingness to be counter-culture. And other nobles would mostly write it off as the follies of youth. His parents had used that excuse with Axel plenty of times. Roxas' brow knit as he thought about that. "Riku? Has there been any progress in finding Axel?" They had hired an expensive, well known agency to try to find Axel. Riku sighed.

"No. It's a very cold trail we've set them on." The agency had warned them of that, openly and upfront. Riku had appreciated it, but that was why he had hired them, for their honesty and ability. "They haven't given up though." Roxas nodded, a bit discouraged.

He had no idea that random chance would hand him the answer to his question.

* * *

_I'm on light work now although my headache has faded. The aphasia comes and goes though. It makes it difficult when someone tries to give me instructions, but I understand gestures well enough. So now I'm cleaning windows. That's fine._

"_Axel?" Looks like the aphasia has cleared for now. I turn to look at the girl behind me. She's smaller than Xion, tiny, but she's got a whip coiled on her belt. One of our overseers. I don't like them but I don't hate them either. It's a job like any other and while some of them enjoy the beatings most just want to eat. "You understand?" She knows about the aphasia of course. Everyone knows._

"_Yes. What can I do for you?" I dredge her name out of the depth of my mind. "Verity?" That makes her smile. Everyone likes to be remembered I suppose._

"_The mistress wants to see you." I nod and look down at the bucket of soapy water. "I'll take that. Go to her study." She takes the bucket, surprising me. A lot of the overseers are allergic to anything resembling physical labor._

"_Thank you." I wonder what the mistress wants with me, but I can't find the energy to be afraid. I've felt so incredibly drained lately and I'm not sure why. Still, I do manage a bit of dull dread as the overseer guarding her door lets me in._

_The mistress of the Pleasure Palace used to be a slave herself, or so they say. I believe it. She's a cold, hard woman with eyes of dark green that must have been ravishing when she was younger. She's still beautiful with lined skin and hair going grey. Right now she's sitting behind her desk and staring at me. Not the sort of thing a slave wants to see._

"_Lea. Take a seat." She gestures and I sit down, meeting her gaze evenly. She likes to see a bit of spine in her charges, as long as it's only a bit. "I have news for you." From the look on her face its news she doesn't like. Great. "As you may know, Lord Vexen has been looking into purchasing a pleasure slave for his personal use." Shit. Shit shit shit! "Apparently, you've made quite an impression. He's requested that you come with him to a gala event as a trial." Oh god. How can I fuck up without getting killed? I do not want that man to buy me!_

"_Uh, mistress. Is he aware of my problem?" Please please please let my head injury get me out of this. It should be good for something! She purses her lips and nods._

"_I have informed him of that and specifically told him the kind of attacks you are subject to. He thinks he might be able to improve your condition. He's a powerful mage." Great. From her tone she doesn't like it and she's the ice bitch. I'm doomed. "Lea. If it were up to me I would refuse to sell you. However, I have my limits." I swallow as she fixes me with a stare. "Report to Seba for training." That's going to be a refresher course on table manners and bowing and whatnot. I take a deep breath and stand. She can't help me. The mistress might be free but she's a pawn of the people who own this place._

"_Right away mistress." Shit. I might have to take the chance of blowing it. If I really screw up he won't want to buy me, but he might disfigure me or worse. Feeling numb, I walk down to Seba's room. Xion stops me on the way._

"_What's wrong? You look like your dog just died." I give her a weak glare._

"_My dog just got eaten by a snake." I lower my voice a little, although there isn't much point. The gossip will be all over the place already. "Lord Vexen is thinking about buying me. I have to go with him to a party." Xion winces and grips my hand for a moment._

"_I'm sorry." She sounds sorry, too. I take a deep breath and squeeze her hand back._

"_I'll be okay." Yeah, I'll be okay. Even if he does buy me I can survive. I just don't want it to happen. Why couldn't I be bought by some kind old geezer with bad breath and a beard? For a moment, a vision of blue eyes and blonde hair flashes across my mind. Heh. Might as well wish for the moon than wish for someone like that. Kids like that don't come to the pleasure palace._

_But I wish one would._

"_Roxas…"_

* * *

A week later.

"Roxas."

"Yes?" Roxas carefully examined himself in the mirror, considering his costume.

"You realize you look completely retarded?" Sora said with complete honesty and lack of tact as Riku choked on a laugh. Roxas just snorted, lifting his nose in the air.

"I'll have you know that Neo Comedia is completely IN this year. You're both going to look hopelessly outdated." Sora looked skeptical as Riku quirked an eyebrow at Roxas. The blonde grinned at his friends. "You'll see." His outfit consisted of black and white striped pants leading up to a black waistcoat, glittering with golden chains. A silk shirt underneath with a big, pink bow at his throat and a tiny black hat perched on his head with a matching bow finished the ensemble. And long white gloves, of course. Roxas flexed his hands for a moment, adjusting the gloves, then slid on an oversized gold and jet ring.

Compared to him, Riku and Sora were both far more restrained. Riku was wearing his best outfit, a suit of fine grey wool, tailored to him. Sora was wearing a dark blue, shimmersilk shirt that had to have cost a fortune, along with black slacks and a black vest embroidered with tiny golden hearts. They both looked like what they were, children of wealthy merchants.

"Well, whatever. I'm not wearing a getup like that." Sora said firmly. Roxas shook his head with a grin.

"Just look at it like another costume." The blonde advised them. Riku smiled faintly at that, twitching his cuffs into place. The one note of wealth in his outfit was the diamond cufflinks he had indulged in. Then he opened the door. A cab was waiting for them outside and soon they were all on their way to the party.

"If you're right about everyone being dressed like that, we're going to stand out." Riku commented, not particularly worried. He could endure an uncomfortable evening for Roxas. Roxas shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure there will be other merchants there." Very few parties were exclusive to the nobility these days. The power of the trade classes had grown in recent years, and despite the attitudes of people like his parents most nobles were willing to accept the upper crust of the merchant class as quasi-equals. If the party had been super exclusive there would have been some hint of it on the invitation, and certainly no suggestion to bring your mistress.

"I just hope they have good food and music." Sora said, looking out the window as the cab clattered over the cobblestones. Roxas just shrugged. The odds were in favor of it but he couldn't guarantee anything. "Did you guys hear about that strange plant on top of the agricultural building?"

"No, what about it?" Roxas let himself be diverted by campus gossip. There always seemed to be something going on at the University, ranging from the theft of a dozen pants from the change rooms as the owners were swimming all the way to mouse eating roses some student had created and set loose in the garden. They were still trying to find the perpetrator of that one.

"Looks to be the same guy who did the roses. It caught and killed someone's cat before someone found it and called the campus police." Sora said Roxas winced but Riku just snorted.

"Cats aren't supposed to be on the campus anyway." Riku wasn't fond of animals at all, thanks to allergies. He wasn't going to shed any tears over the disappearance of someone's elicit pet. "I do hope they catch him though. That sounds dangerous." Whoever was doing this seemed to be extremely reckless. Roxas looked up as the carriage pulled up to the gate of a huge mansion.

"We're here!" Roxas paid the driver with a generous tip before jumping out of the cab. Riku and Sora followed him up the gate, where a servant looked them over dubiously until Roxas produced his card and handed it to her. She examined it a moment before nodding and opening the gates to the rest of the property. Riku noticed that her uniform was blue and seemed to have a logo that looked like dancing bubbles on it. It was a little odd.

The property was beautiful and to his pleasure, Roxas saw most of the party was going on outside. They were shown to a lovely outdoor garden that led into a hedge maze. Couples and children were enjoying the maze, laughing as they got lost and had to call to find their way out. Roxas was pleased to see that he'd been right. The nobles in attendance were all wearing costumes much like his, but there were plenty of people there who were clearly not part of the nobility. Some people had taken the bring your mistress part of this to heart, and Roxas saw some people in the crowd that he thought might even be slaves. One stunningly beautiful woman was hanging on the arm of an older gentleman, smiling at him and listening intently to everything he said. Her gown, while a beautiful golden confection, was showing far too much cleavage for a member of the upper classes. This year anyway. Next year, the fashions might change.

"Good music, good food and people from all over society? Why Roxas, this might be fun." Riku murmured after he took a flute of champagne and a chocolate square, sampling it with appreciation. There were cocktail waiters and waitresses circulating through the crowd with plates of delicacies, as well as tables laid out with beautiful displays of food. Roxas found himself captivated by a wire tree with candies dangling from its branches like fruits. Taking one of them, he found that it was filled with liqueur.

"Axel would have loved this." Roxas murmured to himself, feeling wistful for a moment. It would have been the perfect party to bring him to, as well. He'd have fit right in with the mixed crowd. Then he blinked as a man in blue walked up to them, smiling. He had the oddest hairstyle Roxas had ever seen and was wearing a huge star sapphire set in a golden choker around his neck. It was absolutely dazzling.

"Hello there! I'm Demyx, the host of this little gathering. You would be?" Demyx offered his hand and Roxas took it with a smile, finding he was liking the other man already. There was something so open and friendly about him.

"I'm Roxas. This is Riku and this is Sora." Roxas said with a happy smile. "Thank you for inviting us, we're having a lot of fun." They really were. Sora was already chatting up some people who knew his father and Riku was sampling the food on the table with a blissful expression. Demyx glanced at them and laughed.

"It's nothing! I'm glad to meet you, I went to school with your mother and father." He winked and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Kind of sticks in the mud, aren't they? They'd just die at this kind of party don't you think?" Roxas had to laugh at that because he knew Demyx was right. His parents would have come, but it would have been incredibly awkward for them.

Chatting with Demyx, Roxas was oblivious to someone spotting him from behind and dropping a glass of wine. It rolled across the meadow, unnoticed, as Lea's eyes widened.

"Roxas!" Vexen was talking quietly to another noble and looked up, baffled and offended as Lea took off through the crowd. His surprise turned to outrage and anger as his slave suddenly grabbed a boy from behind, turning him around roughly and looking into his face. "Roxas?" The host of the party stared, mouth-agape at the display of gaucherie but Roxas' eyes widened as he stared up into bright green ones, feeling like he might faint.

"Axel?" The bright red hair and the facial tattoos were unmistakable, although there was something a little different about the hair and something subtly wrong about the way Axel was looking at him. But Roxas didn't care about that. All that mattered was the wonder and discovery in Axel's face as he lowered his head and Roxas gasped as he felt warm lips pressing against his. Even the music stopped as the entire party turned to look at them, but Roxas was unaware. "Axel…" Finally overcome by his emotions and the sheer surprise of the moment, Roxas fainted. Lea gasped and managed to catch him, holding him until –

"LEA!" A strong hand grabbed his shoulder, yanking him back and a brown haired boy managed to catch the boy Lea was certain was named Roxas as he started to fall. "What do you think you're doing?" Vexen hissed in his ear, his tone beyond angry. But Lea was in no condition to care.

"It's Roxas, don't you see?" He said, distraught and trying to worm out of Vexen's grip. "It's Roxas!" He didn't even know what that meant; just that it was the most important thing in the world. But then Vexen pulled him into the hedge maze and losing sight of the blonde suddenly snapped Lea back to sanity. Enough to see the growing rage on the cold noble's face and realize that he was the cause. "I – I'm sorry! Something triggered a memory." Lea stared into Vexen's face and saw that his excuse was cutting no ice at all. The backhand slap to the face he received a moment later only confirmed it.

"You have embarrassed me in public." Vexen suddenly sounded calm and collected and Lea found that more frightening than the rage. "Come." He pulled Lea further into the hedge maze and the redhead didn't dare resist.

This was going to be bad.


End file.
